Diner Deep Dive

It’s December 21st, and the waning days of the working year are here.

I’ll have my last big meeting tomorrow, which is also the kids’ last day of school, and on Tuesday my mom will arrive from Canada carrying a giant gust of Christmas spirit with her. And once the presents are torn open on the 25th we’ll enter what I’ve long dubbed “the formless week:” that stretch of no-plan days between Christmas and whenever the rhythms of work and school resume.

Pre-kids, I relished that sweet week or so. It was time to sleep in, time to be pajama-clad, time to cook elaborate meals and read long books and catch up with old friends.

But now that I have kids – two active young boys who rise when the sun does and burn boundless energy until long after it sets – that week looms threateningly; one empty day after another after another to fill with entertainment, with diversion, with some semblance of structure. It’s a beautiful, messy, endless slog.

So what do we do? We spend those days in ball pits, on play dates, at children’s museums, and, frequently, in diners.

Diners aren’t just filler for the formless week, they’ve also long been my answer to the “what do I do with the kids on Saturday morning?” conundrum. They’re ubiquitous, they’re unpretentious, they have something for even the pickiest eaters (crucial), and they feel quintessentially New York. And even when they’re distinct from each other – this one Greek, that one boxcar-style, the one over there annoyingly cash-only – they’re also somehow the same. The tables are always sticky. The lighting is always terrible. The bathroom is always teeny tiny. The coffee is always bottomless. There’s something soothing about the sameness.

Our first family diner was the Bel Aire Diner, a classic chrome behemoth that’s dominated an Astoria intersection since 1965. The menu is huge – not that it mattered, because all the boys ate back then were hot dogs (no bun) and Spanish rice (no veggies). We loved the red leather booths, the free mini muffins, and their seasonal decorations, though we pitied the sad lobsters in their aquarium by the door. We only learned much later that the diner was the subject of a 2023 Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares intervention!

As the boys have grown, their orders have evolved alongside them.

After the hot dog and rice era came the pancake and waffles era. Both pancakes and waffles must be served ‘dry,’ with maple syrup on the side and butter banished altogether.

The butter is welcome however, on pasta. Finnegan is an extremely exacting ‘pasta with butter’ consumer: it must be penne, and there mustn’t be any seasoning or adornment. God forbid parsley or parmesan makes it onto the plate.

We’ve had some mostly unsuccessful dalliances with chicken fingers, a failed grilled cheese order or two, and our fair share of consolation bowls of ice cream after the entrees failed to satisfy.

French fries have been our mainstay. From shoestring to steak, the boys will reliably eat almost any type of French fry. Their open-mindedness does not, however, extend to home fries or hash browns.

About a month ago, for the first time, they ordered cereal – Frosted Flakes – and I delighted in their unpredictability, their capacity to surprise.

A not-at-all-exhaustive map of the diners we’ve visited so far is here. These are just the ones I remember, and that I took photos at. Many of them are in Midtown – their existence a testament to foot traffic density and my patronage the result of logistical ease rather than any particular affinity I have for that neighborhood. We’ve also covered the West Village pretty well, both because it’s on the F Train and because it’s where all my tailors and cobblers are located, so I often need to run errands there. My favorite diners for vibes are Waverly Diner and the Lexington Candy Shop. My favorite food is at dark-horse Astro Diner. The hippest is, without a doubt, La Bonbonniere, though that also wins the most-likely-to-give-you-food-poisoning category. The pictures in this entry are from the below locations, and I hope they help you get through your own formless weeks!

Bel Aire Diner

The Mansion

Palace Restaurant

George’s

Square Diner

Jackson Hole

Brooklyn Diner

Waverly Diner

Carnegie Diner

Moonstruck Diner

Lexington Candy Shop

Kellogg Diner